I wrote this blog installment while visiting my youngest sister, her husband and kids for a few days in Houston, TX. The last time I visited them was two years ago, during the holiday season. The economy, schedules and obligations won’t allow either one of us to visit as often as we would like, hence the effort to optimize my time spent here with them.

My brother-in-law underwent a kidney transplant last December, a delicate procedure that fortunately has given him an improved quality of life, however, the adaptation process has come with a series of discomforts, side effects and compromises. In spite of all these new challenges, he still considers himself very lucky and is grateful to have found a donor who was a match. We all feel the same.

My parents (both retired and in their 70s) volunteered to travel to Houston earlier this year to help my sister with the kids and do some chores around the house. By the time I arrived in Houston, I could see how the kids (3 and 6 years old) had become very close to their “abus” (short for “abuelos”), adding new words to their Spanish vocabulary and learning about their mom’s siblings (tios and tias), who they don’t see often either.

I always admired my parents for having the strength, energy and talent to raise seven children. I saw them repeat the cycle when they found themselves raising their eldest grandchild, who is now 25. I have witnessed my parents interact with their elder grandchildren all through their growth and development, but there’s something special about this particular trip, these particular circumstances that highlight the effort and patience they are putting into the time spent with these two kids.

Practice through the years has given them the chance to perfect their parenting skills, implementing new ways and avoiding previous ones that proved to be unsuccessful while raising their own children. I sit back in my sister’s family room and watch them perform this intricate juggling exercise with firmness, authority, guidance, unconditional love and lots of patience. While my parents are being amazing grandparents to these two kids, they are, in turn, still parenting me, as I observe and learn from them.

I suppose the older we become the more emphasis we put into leaving the best of examples and a strong legacy for our descendants. Challenges presented to each family along the way sometimes make the experience a bit more painful for each member, but worth living, nonetheless. For those of us who are not a parent today (but hope to become one someday), the children in our lives are the closest opportunities we found to develop and practice our ‘coaching’ skills. We hope our contribution to guiding and shaping a younger generation is at least as good as the work done by our elders.

Life is a constant practice; it’s never perfect. It requires much ‘trial and error’ and adjusting to change. We all go through this journey admiring the strength and talents of our elders or others, asking ourselves “how did they do it?” Some of us are lucky enough to see three (or more) generations interact to understand it. But we should never ignore the fact that we can all add our own singular color, distinct flavor and unique experience to enrich and leave a lasting impression in a younger life.

Now, I need to go be an uncle to my niece and nephew who are calling my name.

Today I packed up all of my equipment and supplies and left the treatment room completely empty, clean, like I had never been there. I even removed my name plate from the white door that gives access to that room. When I finished, walked to the door and turned around to take one last look before locking up, all I could think of was: “It’s like starting all over, just like day one.”

This closure had been in the planning for several months now. I had to empty out the room for the contractors, so that they can seal this door and open a new one (a pocket door) on the adjacent wall.  Don’t worry.  I’m NOT closing down!

This small remodeling project will only take a couple of days, however, removing everything and clearing the space keeps giving me this feeling of a chapter ending and a new one starting. And even though I know I’m coming back, I still feel like this is a great opportunity to gain some perspective and perhaps the opportunity to re-learn how to make things better.

A few days ago, as I drove to work, being mindful of the minutes before my next appointment, I found myself driving next to a student driver. I recognized the tension on the young woman’s face as the instructor gave her directions to safely change lanes. She signaled a change of lanes and ended up in front of me. The maneuver was slow and cautious. Beautifully executed! Although I was in some hurry to get to the studio, I decided the student did not need any additional stress around her already tense training. So I slowed down and gave her some space to continue merging all the way to a left turn lane. She turned at the light change and continued with her driving lesson.

A few blocks down the road, out of nowhere, an expensive vehicle driven by a hurried driver was switching lanes without any warnings and, apparently, without any care for the other cars and drivers around him/her, sometimes being very close to making contact with those cars on the same street.

It seems we easily forget the rules of the road. We become overconfident, perhaps very comfortable with the ways we do things and underestimate the potential consequences of throwing caution to the wind. Thank goodness no car was hit! I could only ask myself: where did he/she learn to drive? How did he/she get a driver’s license when apparently all rules are being ignored? “I hope I don’t drive like that!” I thought. I took both driver’s examples I had just witnessed within minutes from each other as my cue to check my own driving. It feels horrible to be at fault during an accident!

I believe what makes life such a beautiful experience is the countless opportunities that it gives us to change, to evolve. Many times, it gives us the chance to stand back and look at what we have done. Sometimes we take that opportunity to make adjustments. Sometimes we simply ignore it.

Awareness is a moment of clarity that we must seize to motivate ourselves to do better. Whether it’s doing a better job taking care of ourselves, being a better partner or companion to someone else, a better professional or a better citizen. Embracing those opportunities is what will always propel us forward, renewing and improving ourselves and those around us. And when one door closes, well…..another one will open for us. We may just have to wait a couple of days.

I hope this New Year we all find new opportunities for growth, not being afraid of re-learning the things we sometimes take for granted, as well as new chapters to start in this great adventure called life.

Efren Jimenez

We hear this same question every year as we approach the holiday we know as Thanksgiving. In these challenging and uncertain times we live in, it may seem the list of things to be thankful for is getting shorter every day.

It’s natural to not feel gratitude when we see the circumstances in which our world is today, and when we can’t help but to feel cheated and shortchanged by the institutions we trusted. But let’s face it, life does not have to be completely polarized by negativity and disillusion. Sometimes all we need is to look around us and find the goodness that still takes place in our lives, every day. Some of this goodness is found in very small, simple and basic things we do enjoy, and that we take for granted most of the time.

A friend of mine recently shared the following on Facebook:

“The happiest people don’t have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.”

This sentiment certainly helps me put things into perspective when I ask myself the question “what is it that I am thankful for?”

Well, let’s start with my health and everything that being healthy allows me to do: work, visit family and friends, travel, be active, ride my bike any time and wherever I want.

Another great reason to be thankful is that I found work that I love, which brings me fulfillment and great satisfaction. I am a firm believer that everyone should pursuit their true passion in life, personally and professionally, and I am very fortunate to have found my true calling.

I am thankful for the opportunity that my work gives me to get to know people and to develop long-lasting professional relationships with many of them, as well as the people they refer to me. It makes me very happy to see that my work can actually change someone else’s life for the better, even in the slightest of ways!

I am thankful for the persistent need I feel to continue to learn more about massage therapy and skin care that can benefit those under my care.

I am thankful for the opportunities that life has given me to get involved in events that can make someone else’s life a little better, whether it is by using my physical abilities or volunteering my professional services to make a difference. I do believe that getting involved in causes and volunteering at community events can bring a lot of perspective into our own life and help us see that there are people out there who may not be as fortunate as we are and that our small contributions could make a big difference in their journey.

I am thankful for the fact that it is still the small things that can easily bring a smile to my face and joy to my heart, like watching the rain fall or listening to an old favorite song while taking a road trip.

I am thankful for the fact that I can see all the many different reasons why I am thankful and for the fact that my parents’ efforts to make a good person out of me are not all in vain. Thanks to them, I can make an honest living and continue to push upwards and forward, even when the picture of the future gets a little blurry and the skies turn gray from time to time.

I am thankful for the inspiration I always find just by looking around me and every time I step out of my comfort zone. There’s still a big, bright sun behind those clouds, and they won’t linger around forever.

And you, what are you thankful for?

Efren Jimenez

Have you watched the news or read the paper lately?

With all this talk of ‘Main Street vs Wall Street’ creating an ominous dark cloud above us, it is easy to get sidetracked and lean toward feelings of negativity and fatalism.  The mass media gathers information and creates a story to sell.  These stories are, ultimately, entertainment.  They have a protagonist and an antagonist, and a conflict, dispute or disagreement that becomes the center around which the players fight, and usually end up making the “mess” we all are in seem bigger than it actually is.

Let’s face it: it’s important to stay in touch with what is happening, but watching the news 24/7 or anxiously waiting for every single new development on the most important stories or headlines will only paint a grim picture of the world we live in, and make us lose touch with ourselves and with those who rely on us.

Storytelling is how our society records its history; however the mass media is not the only one who can create these stories, especially when it comes to stories about an economy that is in desperate need of some positive attitudes.  It’s time we think about creating our own story!  Imagine a story where you and I take responsibility for what happens in our immediate community, a story where we opt for stopping the vicious game of finger pointing and blame shifting.  It’s time for us, our own best leaders, to stop relying on indifferent elected officials or faraway corporations to do what we hope they should do, and instead start promoting the change we want to see right here where we live.

How do we do that?  We can do our part to keep the economy in our community going and encourage everyone we know to do the same.  Supporting our community can be as simple as eating at a local restaurant and supporting the small businesses in our neighborhood.  Let’s keep our money circulating so it continues to come back to us.  Let’s take advantage of the opportunities that come our way in the form of sales and special discounts.  They will not only save us some dough but will also support our local businesses.  Let’s take pride in the high quality of the work our neighbors do and the services we all provide!

If we allow ourselves to perpetually wait for somebody to fix what’s broken and let the media cloud or vision with pessimistic stories, we fall into the role of the victim.  We must create our own new way of thinking in which we take ownership of our actions and consider the ramifications of each choice.  It’s time to move up and forward, with positive thinking, and in the process we can make good things happen for our friends and neighbors.

The way I see it, in this challenging financial environment we live in, it pays off to be an optimist.

Efren Jimenez

Last time I went to the supermarket I got carded while purchasing two bottles of wine. This wouldn’t be of any matter at all if I were still in my twenties, but as a male who is one month away from turning 46; this incident brings up one important question: Why did it make me feel soooo good?

Ok, at 45+, this doesn’t happen very often, I admit. But when it happens, I feel both elated and suspicious at the same time. Was the guy at the register in need of a new eyeglass prescription? Most likely, yes. Was he hitting on me and wanted to see my ID to find out where I live and then stalk me? Was he just enforcing a store policy? Who knows! (And maybe I don’t want to know.)

Whatever the reason for his request to see my driver’s license, I showed him the document while giggling inside and thinking, “Boy, I am old enough to be your father!”

I couldn’t wait to come home and tell everyone, in fact, I even posted it on Facebook while I was still in the store’s parking lot!

Why is this self-indulgent act even worth mentioning? Because it brought up another question which is now the center of this month’s blog discussion: Is age really just a number?

Some women are known to either lie about their age or simply not talk about it. In fact, it is considered impolite to ask a lady about her age, unless you’re a doctor or healthcare practitioner. I believe nowadays men are as sensitive about the age topic as women, more than they care to admit. While some gray hair and some expression lines on a man’s face still say “mature and sophisticated,” I can assure you, that same guy is looking into ways to stop the clock right there, preventing further signs of becoming an old man.

We are obsessed with age and aging, if you believe advertisements in the media, but I do not subscribe to the idea of lying about one’s age to get ahead in life or to get dates. If someone is going to find me attractive, I want it to be because of the values and character that I am equipped with, in addition to how I present myself: a healthy, wholesome, balanced, individual, who has made the right decisions, day after day, to stay and look healthy, regardless of my age.

My oldest client in my massage practice is 80 and, I can assure you, I have never met a more enthusiastic, upbeat, well informed, lucid, energetic and positive person in my life! She sure is a great inspiration and the best example to follow as far as how to approach age and the aging process. The oldest person at the spin class I regularly attend is 70 years. She spins steadily and persistently as everyone else in class!

I remember the time when I was training for the Malibu triathlon, being at Malibu beach early, each Saturday and Sunday morning.  I was so amazed by the fact that not every single tri-athlete was in the most perfect of physical shape. But I was equally amazed by the energy, strength and vitality each of them displayed during the excruciating training sessions. Not all athletes are the same age or shape, but their discipline, determination, enthusiasm and will to accomplish something and succeed at it is what sets them apart from the rest, regardless of their age or shape.

The most valuable learning I got from participating in triathlons and cycling events in the last ten years is that there will always be someone who is younger, leaner, stronger and faster than me, but I can, too, be younger, leaner, stronger and faster than someone else. This mindset sure puts things into perspective and helps find one’s own spot in the big picture. Where exactly you want to be is entirely up to you and results from the efforts you make to get there.

The same way, I believe it is everyday decisions about your health and wellness, your outlook in life, your good or bad habits what will make you look and feel younger….or older.  It has a lot to do with this question:  What rules do I live by?

• Do you eat only one cupcake to satisfy your craving, or do you keep eating cupcakes until there are no more left to eat?

• Do you associate with positive, creative people, or do you find other negative people to be friends with and feed off of each other’s energy through gossip and envy?

• Do you take personal responsibility for your life, growth and evolution as a person, or do you blame luck and others for everything and always ask, why me?

I believe that aging, or healthy aging rather, is a personal decision and responsibility. You make the choices.  You take the necessary steps to steer your life in the right direction. You, and only you, are in charge of the results you want to see.

Yes, it’s true that genetics has some influence on how you age, but studies are now showing that is it the lifestyle you chose, your self-awareness, and the attention you give to your body through nutrition, exercise and stress management, ultimately determine how you age.

To me, age is just a number. I am as old (or young) as I feel. And, for this almost 46 year old man that I am, I still feel like 28! And I believe the kid at the register that night saw me as the age I feel I am instead of the age my driver’s license says I am, which makes me very, very happy.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

Efren Jimenez.

“You are what you eat”.  How many times have you read or heard this phrase?

Nutrition is, without a doubt, the most important aspect for any living organism in order to exist. When it comes to the human body and all of its organs, it is through the food you consume how they get their fuel and the nutrients that keep them working and in good shape for many years. The human skin is no different. The quality and longevity of this organ depend much on the quality of the food you ingest. Your skin, ultimately, reflects what you put into your body. So, yes, you are what you eat!

Nurturing the skin both internally and topically is the best and perhaps the only way to achieve younger, healthy looking skin at all ages. As a skin care professional I make an effort to create awareness amongst my clients about the importance of good nutrition and supplementation to improve their skin health, alleviate some skin conditions and achieve overall wellness.

Today’s professional skin care is much more focused on understanding the science that makes your skin such an amazing, multifunctional organ, rather than just developing skillful technicians of cosmetic applications. It is not surprising that both estheticians and medical professionals will have their own perspective on skin care, however, their point of view on how important nutrition is for skin health, appear to be very similar.

The skin care professional (esthetician) is aware of the many benefits that topically adding nutrients to a facial treatment can yield. There are currently so many great skin care formulations in the market that contain a substantial amount of antioxidants and other important vitamins and minerals to nourish the skin. However, it is important to remember that the skin is an organ of the body and must be nourished from the inside too.

You and I grew up with the notion of a balanced diet would suffice to provide the body with all the vitamins and minerals necessary for good health. Not too long ago we learned that some of these nutrients are not produced by the human body and the amounts we consume through food are just not enough for the body’s needs, hence the importance of supplementation with oral antioxidants and fish oils (essential fatty acids). Antioxidants have gained great importance as supplements because they are known to reduce inflammation and even reverse some of the damage caused by free radicals in the body.

Essential Fatty Acids (EFA’s) are the good kind of fats (polyunsaturated) that your body needs to maintain healthy metabolic function and fend from inflammation, which is believed to be the cause of cancer. EFA’s are needed to prevent premature aging and heart disease, while supporting the production of good cholesterol in your blood.

Do you know what the nutritional value of the food you eat is?

The problem with the typical American diet is that most of its foods are loaded with simple sugars, carbohydrates and bad fats (saturated and trans-fats). This type of diet will surely elevate cholesterol levels, promote inflammation, could lead to heart disease and premature aging of the skin. Fast, processed and fried foods are of what this diet consists and, unfortunately, although they can be favored by many for their convenience and addictive taste, they don’t offer any real nutritional value to your overall health.

Although studies on nutrients, vitamins and antioxidants are still in progress, the addition of these substances to your daily nutritional routine will likely become an important component for preventing and treating some conditions, as well as necessary ingredients for improving the appearance of your skin.

Not a big fan of pills, tablets and powders? Fortunately, supplements such as vitamins, antioxidants and EFA’s come in so many different forms and presentation today! I am sure you will find those that offer the highest quality in a formulation that works best for you. Keep always in mind that the goal of improving your nutrition through a better diet and supplementation is not to make you live longer, but to make you live a healthier life!

I always recommend to consulting with a doctor or dietitian before making any improvements to your eating habits or adding any supplements to your diet. They will be best qualified to determine what your body needs and help you make the right decisions.

Here’s to your health!

Efren Jimenez

Summer is upon us! School is out and the family is getting ready for that trip that dad has been planning for months! Summer, for many, is the most anticipated season of the year because it represents freedom. Freedom from the inclement winter and spring weather; freedom from the office environment where you are expected to adhere to a schedule and a dress code every day; freedom to wear as little as a pair of shorts, T-shirt and sandals wherever you go; freedom from an inconsiderate school schedule (classes at 7 am?) and all-nighters finishing school papers; freedom to do whatever the heck you want with your time during those long summer days.

Many of you will choose if the budget allows it, to go on vacation to places where you can lay out in the sun, by a pool or the beach. Some of you will choose to stay in town and explore the local attractions, making of a low-budget holiday the perfect “staycation”. But even those who decide to stay local will find themselves wanting to enjoy the sun, by going on hikes, bike rides, to pool parties or by simply tackling that gardening job that has been waiting for you since last winter.

Ah, summertime! Your hot sunrays feel so good on the skin! But, are you prepared to bask in the sun responsibly? How much do you know about the benefits of sunlight as well as its potential harm?

Much has been said about the consequences of long-term unprotected sun exposure, but you tend to ignore it, or think that you know best. I don’t intent to make this blog installment a lecture on sun protection and the consequences of not protecting your skin appropriately. Instead, I would prefer to plant the seed of curiosity within my readers’ minds and, hopefully inspire them to do their homework, give this topic serious consideration and then draw their own conclusions based on their own needs and lifestyle.

Don’t you love to end your summer showing off your tan? Is it possible to obtain that healthy glow a perfect sun tan gives you and also avoid potential sun damage? The premise here is that exposure to direct sunlight can be both, beneficial and harmful to the human body (particularly the skin).

On the one hand, it has been well documented that exposure to direct sunlight allows human bodies produce their own vitamin D. Most vitamin D -80 to 90 % of what the body gets- is only obtained through exposure to sunlight.  Vitamin D is required for the regulation of the minerals calcium and phosphorus found in the body. It also plays an important role in maintaining proper bone structure. Vitamin D deficiency can lead to rickets, cancer, diabetes, and numerous other life threatening diseases.

Just 6 days of casual sunlight exposure without sunscreen can make up for 49 days of no sunlight exposure. Exposure of the face, hands, arms and legs to sunlight, two to three times a week for about one fourth of the time it would take to develop a mild sunburn will cause the skin to produce enough vitamin D. The necessary exposure time varies with age, skin type, season, time of day, etc.

People who live in the northern hemisphere are more likely to develop Vitamin D deficiency and related diseases because their exposure to sunlight is limited. However, vitamin D deficiency also occurs in sunny climates, possibly because people are staying indoors more, covering up when outside, or using sunscreens consistently these days to reduce the risk of skin cancer, which is what the media and the experts urge us to do.

On the other hand, there are some serious effects of unprotected sun overexposure to be considered. I don’t mean to scare anyone from coming into direct contact with the sun each day, but there are some consequences to staying out in the sun for long periods of time without any sunscreen to protect your skin.

Ultraviolet (UV) rays can cause skin health issues that include premature aging, abnormal pigmentation problems, reduced immune response and, of course, cancers such as melanoma. 90% of visible and premature signs of aging are the result of exposure to UV rays. According to the Skin Cancer Foundation, 3.5 million new cases of skin cancer are diagnosed annually because of the harmful effects of UV rays, yet skin cancer is one of the most preventable forms of cancer.

Today, the experts and the mass media insist that we are all at risk of sun damage if we are outdoors, driving our cars, or even near a window, in any season, whether the sky is sunny or overcast – particularly between the hours of 10 am and 4 pm. Experts recommend using sunscreen every single day to reduce the chance of skin damage, especially during outdoor activities. To be effective, sunscreen must be applied 30 minutes before sun exposure and reapplied  every two or three hours if outdoors, more often if perspiring or swimming.

I remember spending entire summer days at the beach with my siblings and cousins when we were kids. We ran around, played in the water, played on the sand building sand castles and fortresses, and formed up teams to play countless ball games. We did that without wearing any sunscreen or any other type of skin protection. Just a pair of swimming trunks! Back in the early 70’s, our parents did not know any better. They did not know about sunscreen or sun blocking products, or about skin cancer prevention.  We all sure got plenty of vitamin D those days, along with some potentially serious skin damage!

With all the information to which we have access these days and the growing scientific evidence to support both positions regarding sun exposure, which route is the one to take?

I believe that, when it comes to being exposed to direct sunlight every day, excess should be avoided. As they say, “Everything in moderation”. Be smart about sun worshipping and don’t ignore your own skin limitations. Knowledge and common sense should be applied, recognizing the benefits in direct sunlight but also keeping in mind that excess can be harmful if protection is not properly and timely used.

I suggest to follow this golden rule, applicable to all skin types – whether your skin is extremely fair or very dark: Avoid the sunburn.

How do you prepare your own skin to be safe in the sun?

According to experts in skin care and dermatologists, it is all about building your tolerance in reasonable increments while making sure you do not burn in the process. At the beginning of the spring and summer season, it is best to limit time of exposure. When you reach your limit, don some clothes or get into the shade. Start with about 15 minutes, working your way to 30 minutes and upward until you find your safe level of exposure.

The goal is to get as much sunlight as you can to replenish your body’s supply of Vitamin D. You will want to check regularly for signs of redness to prevent the burn. If your skin starts to feel irritated and overheated, you most likely are getting a burn. Retrieve to the shade immediately!

Check out the link below, provided by the Environmental Working Group, to find the right sunscreen for you. The smarter you become about sun exposure and caring for your skin, the more enjoyable this summer -and all your summers- will be.

In health and wellness,

Efren Jimenez

Licensed Esthetician

Certified Massage Therapist

Sort through the sunscreen noise — click here for EWG’s 2011 Sunscreen Guide.

You’ll find:

• Our top rated sunscreens
• EWG’s Sun Safety Tips
• Our updated “Hall of Shame,” which highlights what’s wrong with the sunscreen industry
• How your sunscreen ranks when you search our database (Hint: Leading brands like Hawaiian Tropic and Banana Boat didn’t make the cut.)

When I decided to write this month’s blog about praising all mothers on their day, I really had no idea the predicament into which I was getting myself. The concern was not about potentially ending up with a piece that appeared rather predictable, but the fact that there is simply so much to say (but has already been said) about how amazing mothers are.

Honestly, I don’t think I am the most eloquent person to blog about motherhood and the sublime connection between mother and child. However, I do have a mother, who is still alive (hopefully for many more years). Even though we don’t live under the same roof and don’t see each other as often as we would prefer, we did, for over twenty-seven years, while I was still living in the family house, and trying to ‘get my act together’.

So, I decided this had to have a very personal approach, based on my own experience as a son of a mother and as an esthetician/massage therapist whose clientele includes moms or moms-to-be. Women who often, in complete confidence, in a moment of blissful introspection and self-awareness, have shared with me their concerns about that rebellious child, the dreams they have for their teen-age daughter, their fear that a son is not doing well in school and could be hanging out with the wrong crowd, or that he or she just crashed their brand new car.

The truth is, it has taken me several decades, and listening to other moms talk about their motherhood experience, to finally feel like I understand what both my parents (especially mom) had to go through, what they gave up as adults, to ensure a quality of life for us that they did not have for themselves in their childhood and youth. My mother had seven children and successfully ran her own accounting office for over two decades, while she was still having her youngest four kids.

When I was a child, living at home with all my other six siblings, all we knew was that food was always served at our table, every day, three times each day. We knew that mom would be present at all school events, no matter what, and that she would make something out of nothing to help us finish that science project that was due the following morning. We knew she had the remedy for that very first pimple, and somehow would make all of our birthdays and holidays so special, memorable and magical.

What we did not know when we were kids was how all that happened. For us, it just did.

Yes, we were aware of her long days at the office and the Saturdays she had to work too. And, somehow, she always had time to be the mom who taught me to tie my shoes by myself, to separate white clothes from color clothes in the laundry, to use thread and needle when necessary, to perfectly iron my own shirts, and to always color-coordinate the clothes I wore.

There were also some catastrophic attempts in the kitchen with mom that finally culminated in success. One year I was commissioned to select and prepare –from start to finish- the main dish of the family’s New Year’s celebration. I was 18 years of age. I remember how proud she was being complimented on that dish by the guests. She then revealed to all that I was the cook. She was as proud of my successes then as she is of my achievements today.

What I know today is that while I was growing up, wondering why mom couldn’t be home with us after school, she was the working mother that coordinated everything from behind the scenes, making sure we had a comfortable and safe home. She was the juggler who had to run a business and a home, raise seven children and keep an equally hard-working husband happy as well. I know today how much hard work, focus, patience, determination and love, unconditional, profound and infinite love it takes to make that possible.

Every family’s reality is different. The circumstances and resources may vary form story to story, but the role played in it by a mother is, without a doubt, the most demanding. If there’s one thing all of my clients who are moms have in common is that they live for their children. Their time and lives are dedicated to solve their children’s problems, even when some of their kids are way into their 30’s or beyond.

And there is nothing questionable about that, because that’s what moms do and we will always be their babies. They would shield us from the harshness of life, and they would cry our tears, if they simply could. They would do all that for us and more, while they still make sure we’ll always find our favorite snack or dish in their refrigerator.

To my mom and all the moms I know…I wish you the happiest and love-filled Mother’s Day.

Efren

Reach Out and Touch.

Why human touch is so important.

What is the role of human touch in today’s high-tech world?

You will agree with me that there is no easy answer to this question. Unfortunately, touch has become, well, a “touchy” subject.

So many norms have been imposed by our American society over this most basic form of human interaction, in spite of the growing scientific evidence that proves that skin-to-skin contact is beneficial to human development and overall health.

We may believe our society and its technical advances make us more evolved than other cultures, but the truth is we Americans are the most touch deprived people in the world.  This fact is deeply rooted in our culture: we tend to set boundaries instead of opening up and letting our guard down, making it harder for someone else to come into “our space”.  This behavior can also be observed in our medical system today. Though this has been happening not just for decades, but centuries, it has only started to get some attention.  Let’s face it….We are touch deprived!

But there is really no clear line between what’s right and what’s wrong when it comes to human touch. On the one hand, we are bombarded by suggestive messages by the media; on the other hand, doctors, nurses and caretakers are afraid someone might frown at the way they touch their patients, or kiss a baby on the forehead. The truth is that babies or the sick are not the only ones who need to be touched and handles in caring ways. It’s not just doctors and nurses needing to dispense this caring touch. It is all of us needing this contact, this connection, to feel happy, to feel human.

How did our society get to this tragic state of touch deprivation? Some studies indicate that there are three main reasons why Americans don’t touch each other more than they do: Fear that their touch could be interpreted as “sexually charged”, Technology advancements (phones, email, texting) have distanced us from each other, and the fact that the negative effects of not touching each other are not as obvious and don’t receive much attention.

We grow afraid of the risk our touching might send the wrong signals, which leads to the agonizing situation of “my intentions could be totally misunderstood” or “I wonder if that person is hitting on me or what?” This ambiguity is more than enough to scare more people from taking someone’s arm or patting them on the back. This is more evident in professional work environments, such as large corporations. Employees are regularly counseled on how to do their jobs without creating any hint of ambiguous physical contact. Unwelcome touch can be interpreted as dominance, sexual harassment or exploitation. And you don’t want to end up at the Human Resources office because your gesture was taken the wrong way by your coworker of the opposite sex, right?

Another reason for our touch phobia is that we live in a society whose interpersonal communications skills are in a decline. Technology plays a huge role in the ways we communicate today, and it seems to me we move farther away from face-to-face human communication with every new invention. We may know what everyone is up to thanks to emailing, Facebook and Twitter, but we can’t seem to find time to visit and have a face-to-face conversation. Ironically, we spend more time each day looking and touching our communication devices than touching our loved ones. Devices are replacing humans as they, too, compete for our attention: they all beep, ring and sing to us for our immediate attention. Have you thought of that?

Although these devices were invented to improve communication, I often wonder how much of the real content and meaning of our messages sent through these devices are lost in the process. Our messages are becoming so encrypted and abbreviated that lack the real intent, the emotion that compelled us to send the message in the first place, leaving the receiver sometimes more perplexed and confused than before they received it. Talk about a real breakdown in communication!

Sadly, the quality of our interactions is reaching a new low these days. Think about the possible negative effects a touch-deprived society could present: According to experts, humans deprived of touch are prone to mental illness, violence, compromised immune system, and poor self-regulation. The effects of touch deprivation is considered by many worse than physical abuse.

So, what do we gain by improving our willingness to touch and be touched?

There are many health benefits in human touch. For example, infant massage has gained popularity as studies have shown pre-term babies receiving massage gained more weight and are healthier than non-massaged preemies. The massaged preemies were discharged earlier than the non-massaged ones. Imagine the millions of dollars our healthcare system could save if all preemies were discharged earlier form expensive neonatal intensive care units across the country!

Another great benefit of human touch is reducing the amounts of stress hormone, cortisol.  Cortisol is associated with anger, anxiety, physical tension and weakened immunity. A long, sincere hug or a soothing massage can lead to positive physiological changes in the body, boosting levels of the hormone oxytocin, which improves heart function.  Imagine  decrease in road rage if most drivers in LA received a one hour massage every week!

Massage therapy in general has been found useful in reducing symptoms such as anxiety, depression, pain and stress in conjunction with various illnesses and treatments, including anorexia nervosa, arthritis, cancer, fibromyalgia, muscular pain and stiffness, strokes and post surgical care. Massage therapy is slowly being discovered and established as an alternative and more affordable solution that can help reduce symptoms associated with alcohol withdrawal and smoking cessation, and can improve self-esteem, boost the immune system, increase flexibility, and improve sleep.

The benefits and applications of massage therapy seem to be gaining a place in our symptom-driven American healthcare system. I found quote that I feel describes the importance of human touch through massage the best way possible. This was written by Robert Noah Calvert:

“The application of caring human touch is an inherently innate behavior for giving and receiving love, which all human kind wants and needs. The real purpose of giving massage is to foster more depth of feeling for one another in order to bring out the love that often lies buried beneath the pain of everyday suffering.”

I couldn’t agree more. How about you?

Lastly, I will leave you with some food for thought. Seven facts about massage and its effects:

1.- massage may be one of the oldest forms of medical care – Egyptian tomb paintings show people being massaged.

2.- There are approximately 5 million touch receptors in our skin – 3,000 in one fingertip.

3.- Massage is still the #1 treatment in spas.

4.- Massage lovers don’t lie. They move from massage table to massage table.

5.- Massage is not a luxury, it is necessary to sustain well-being: physically, mentally, and spiritually.

6.- A one-hour massage equates to 7-8 hours sleep for the body

7.- Bob Hope lived to be 100 years old. Supposedly he had a daily massage.

Do you make the Connection?

In Health and Wellness,

Efren

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection” – Buddha

When we think of the month of February we immediately think of Valentine’s Day and all the most representative symbols of the celebration: flowers, greeting cards, paper hearts and heart-shaped chocolate candy boxes. Wee see red, pink and white everywhere we go. Most restaurants and hotels offer inspired romantic packages for couples who look for special ways to celebrate their love for one another. Love is in the air and the aspiration is to find it, express it or rekindle it. Love is a splendorous thing!

I’m not trying to be the Romance Grinch here, but let’s briefly steal the attention from the month’s notion of Romantic Love and direct it to the concept of Self Love: loving yourself. Not in a narcissistic, egomaniac way, but as a self-awareness, self-appreciation, and self-care practice, where we find our inner strength. The inner space where we retrieve to find ourselves again and recharge our spirit before we face the world.

Here’s what I’m talking about: We can’t be of service to others, or profess that we love someone (or others) unless we put ourselves at the top of our list. Does this sound selfish? Maybe, but it’s not, and here is why.

We grew up being trained to love our parents and our siblings, to love our relatives and teachers, to be kind and generous to everyone, to yield to someone else’s needs. But we were not habilitated to love ourselves the same way. And that seems to apply to both, our personal and professional lives.

Ok, the truth is that there are plenty of selfish, foolish egomaniacs out there who can’t love anyone else but themselves, and who believe that making it all about them is their true and ultimate happiness, right? But I don’t think any of you reading this blog right now falls into that category, so let’s focus on us, regular folks, who care for our families and friends, and work hard every day, and would love to see this world we live in become a sane, healthier, safer place for all of us.

So, where do you start? How do you know you have enough love and appreciation for yourself to enable you to care for and love others? How well do you know and love yourself?

You are conditioned to fill your daily schedule with multiple tasks, to run from point A to point B to point C, as quickly as you possibly can, to get things done, to provide for and to be supportive to your family and work team. You do all the necessary things to ensure a livelihood, sometimes not even pausing to take a breath. You get easily sucked into the vortex of your daily routines. When you are finally dropped out of the cyclone at the end of the day, you find yourself depleted, exhausted, sometimes frustrated.

And this cycle repeats itself, day after day. Oh, God! You can’t wait for the weekend to arrive! How can you tell if you’re getting burned out? If you look at the clock the moment you arrive at your workplace, you aren’t as focused as you need to be, you’re getting cranky and defensive and nothing seems to satisfy you, it might be time to rethink what’s happening in your life. When life begins to feel uneasy, reevaluate what you want and make the necessary changes.

So, what do we do to love ourselves on a regular basis? Sometimes a vacation can take care of most of it. Oftentimes, we have to refocus on what our purpose is and how we go about to realize it. You want to be a great parent, a great spouse, a great son/daughter, an exemplary citizen, and to find joy in that. But what are you doing to love, nurture, cherish, and improve YOU first?

There are so many small, simple things you can do to learn more about yourself and what makes you happy. I’m not talking about shopping sprees and costly trips to Vegas, just to mask the real issues. I’m referring to habits you can create for yourself on a daily basis to bring you fulfillment on a more spiritual level. We tend to acquire stuff and more stuff to fill up rooms, thinking that owning stuff will bring us joy and happiness, and we couldn’t be farthest from the truth. But that’s topic for another blog installment.

Say, you wake up in the morning and instead of turning on the TV, you open up your window and look at the colorful world around you illuminated by the sunrise. Now, take a deep breath and say “THANK YOU”! Someone had said before that there is no better or stronger form of prayer than a sincere and heartfelt “Thank You”. I agree. Acknowledging and showing appreciation for all simple, small things we have is a great first step to better love ourselves.

Indulge yourself with things that you really want to do: a warm, relaxing bath at the end of the day, read a book, take a walk with your dog around your neighborhood and actually make eye and verbal contact with the people you run into, call home or an old friend whose voice you have not heard in a while, or simply sit in a quiet, peaceful space and reflect on the events of the day.

How and when do you honor yourself? You probably said: “on my birthday?” right?

It’s great to have a special day to celebrate you, but what else do you do the rest of the year to appreciate and pamper yourself? Create rituals for yourself: sign up for a workout class that empowers you and helps you expand your physical limits (you may discover you are stronger than you think!), get a weekly massage, body treatment, and a facial that will make you look refreshed and will increase your self awareness, start attending the church of your choice or join a charitable group whose cause you feel strongly about. This may help you look at your life and things in perspective. Whatever promises you make to yourself, do all you can to keep them, but don’t quit at the first attempt. It’s not wrong to give yourself a loving pat on the back from time to time, you know?

Think positively and realistically. You can exercise every day, take all the supplements at reach, eat the best meals, meditate daily and sleep like a cherub, but if your thoughts and mind are negative, you are still not giving yourself the necessary love. Negative thoughts or attitude towards life, to me, are the main reason why so many people are struggling to be successful, happy and healthy. It’s common to think the world is against you, they are out to get you and that you are being taken advantage of. It’s so easy to assume the role of the martyr in society and that’s, in many ways, what our world has conditioned us to feel. You must see the connection between your thoughts, your low self-esteem, your bad fortune, and your weight and health problems. If you can get to the root of what your body is telling you about your mind, you can improve your health and, subsequently, your outlook in life.

Changing our minds is not easy. We have been programmed for year, for generations, to think and act the way we do. But if we can change our thoughts, we can change the way we see ourselves, our bodies, our health. And when we are healthy and happy, we can lead by example for those who depend on us. If we have done the work on ourselves first, then we are better equipped to help and love the rest of the world.

I’m just sayin’!

Now, give yourself a hug!

Efren